Life is an Endless Quest for Meaning

2010-11-20T00:48:00.000-08:00

She glowered at him, with trailing voice, she barked, "Get Out!"

He doesn't think that it would ended this way.
The altercation had started just a few minutes they entered the room. She thought he had not respected her so much. She deserved some dignity. And she was very explicit on that. Obviously, he was very much obsessed on her. Fixated. The time that he missed her, he thought could be supplemented with a heartwarming reception. His longings on her shall be replaced by passionate kisses when they see each other. He was wrong.

Dumbfounded and humiliated, sparks of light flickered in his head. He never felt the same feelings before. He has never allowed anybody to do that on him. He has that arrogance. Arrogance he maintained in order to hide the inferiority complex he borne which his childhood had imposed on him. How could she do that? He never realized that it could come to this point. Silence dominated as he held his breath for an indeterminable agonizing seconds when their eyes met. He is raging inside. He held himself from the violent import which he could not keep from exploding. Suddenly, he unlatched his watch from his wrist and flailed towards her. It missed her hair hair by an inch and it landed on the concrete wall, then rested on the edge of the bed. With that she summon all her courage to stand and open the door for him to get out.

Shocked by what he did, regret reposed on him. How could he show that violent mood on her. He professed his undying love for her and yet it was all a contradiction. He was not listening well. He cannot understand that he could not continue to press himself to her. He cannot understand that she had realized he was a mistake. It was wrong to let him feel that she loved him. Although it wasn't very easy then because they were together for a hundred times and yet he does not understand that he is history. He was her past. And there is no reason to bridge the past to the present.

" I'm sorry i cannot understand myself. I do not have any reasons for the violent emotions i have shown. I guess i have shown you the worst part of me. Perhaps this is the second time i have allowed myself to fly off the handle. I love you very mush. I though i was very good to you. I thought I have done everything that could make you happy. I guess I am getting the wrong signals. I thought you love me. But I was not listening well. I was not listening to the signs you gave me. I thought that by responding to my caresses you still long for the warmth of my body, the touch on your skin would tingle the ends of your hair, the exchange of our passionate kisses still manifest the all consuming love we feel for each other. I guess I am wrong. It was all my fault for assuming. Please forgive me."

She was silent for a couple of minutes. Perhaps those moments would let those words sink into her mind. Perhaps she is evaluating the rationality of what he said. His pleading eyes begged for something. It was not the sex part that was very important for him. But the nearness of her body would provide a balsam that could cure the loneliness in his heart for quite a long time. His pleading is not intended to betray her emotions on him but it only beg for understanding, not for the answer of his love but to be honest in her feelings about him. He would have understood it if she could say it pointblank that she doesn't care anymore about him. He could go to hell if he wished and still it would be very unimportant to her. He wished he could say that to him. But she was always a reserved woman.

She told him, " You see, all i wanted is to be happy with my life. I wanted to enjoy life at its best. I wanted you to be with me. To think of me. But where would this all lead to?" He response gave him the assurance he needed. It made him feel good. He was sure that she was mad as hell for what he did. But this time this had ebbed into a point of calmness and peace. The serenity that pervades in the room provides a romantic setting which indicates the triumph of the human spirit over the cacophony of chaos and misunderstanding. She released a smile then told him that she was testing him how far he could about keeping his toes on the line. He come forward and touched her cheeks in both hands and cupped her face. She did not whimper but look up to him as if in a whisper to take her into his arms. Then he combed her hair with his fingers and let her leaned on him as he sidled in the bed near the corner. She was feeling good about it. It was so sweet to be in love. Beads of sweat from their bodies mingled as the raging waves of the sea calmly settle on the breaker and suddenly serenity comes to claim both their spirits and rest long for the night.

An Interview with the Consul

2010-01-20T02:05:00.000-08:00

My feet trod slowly along the familiar lanes in Rizal Park. The early sunlight broke overshadowing the buildings that dotted along the east side of Taft Avenue. There was chirping of the birds and hard breaths are heard as early joggers passed by. Loud conversations and hearty laughs were exchanged between the early habitues who are sitting in the benches drinking their coffee bought from the store nearby. These denizens are considered regulars in the place. They either hawked their wares or beg for something or they got stuck to this place because there is nowhere else to go.

Ahead the national flag flies on its pole as it slowly rises to the top. Members of the band are practicing for the early ritual on the changing of the guards at the foot of the statue of the great hero, Dr. Jose Rizal. The place was serene. Undisturbed as traffic at Roxas Boulevard is not yet heavy. Across some people are dancing fluidly to the ritual of taichi exercises synchronizing their breaths with the soft swaying of their arms and bodies forming unmistakable ball passed from the right to the left hand, raising up and down.

I woke up early that morning at 5:00 from the place where i stayed for the night. This is the newly renovated, face lifted university hostel, a site of an old trade school before this was converted into a normal school where many educators from all over the country get their education. I stayed here for an innumerable number of times whenever I am in Manila. The faces are already familiar to me that is why they are so accommodating to me and acting so nicely.

My appointment at the embassy is still at 8:30 in the morning. I am sure there would already be a lot of people who are already at the embassy grounds waiting for the guards to let them in. It is still 6:30 and there is no need to rush. I did not take the taxi because i want to feel relaxed communing with the serenity of the place in its matutinal splendor and beauty. I want to feel the early morning breeze before this can be corrupted by the cacophony of the rush of urban life which would eventually drown the pristine environment before the sun is down.

The previous night i have gone over all the entries of the documents which i am going to hand to the consul for the interview. I took note of the possible questions the consul would probably ask about. The documents were prepared by the travel agency. This was commissioned by the Foundation to help me sort my application for the interview and processed online for my case. It was all set after i had my picture taken at the mall. The die is cast.

Why i am doing this? What is in it for me? ....it would not mean so much as a big deal whether my visa is approved or not...Either way, there is nothing i could gain from it except experiences in meeting new friends along the way....Economically, a big no. But friends and hosts who long for somebody in the Philippines are essential. Friends who can stay with them for a week or two and be able to hear something first hand from our place, not in the usual virtual Filipino channel TV station. Or from a newly found friend who will become teary eyed as we depart from his place after staying for two weeks and whom we may never see again in our own lifetime. Missionaries who create a mark, who offer a roof, food for our bodies are friends who made a difference to countless of Filipino students because these good Samaritans were able to get what they need from Princeton, Rutgers, MIT, St. Joseph's, Rockefeller, Harvard, Fordham or from universities in Syracuse, Canandaigua, Poughkeepsie, Rochester, Baltimore, Boston and many other places in the east coast in order to make learning easy and bridge the gap between ignorance and knowledge.

Why would this visa very important to them and not to me? Why is it that a lot of people from the Philippines are in exodus to seek for an American dream? The reasons are personal and these could be manifested in the anxiety that are shown in their faces as they waited their time for an interview at the embassy. Sacrificing personal happiness to earn dollars in the place of the proverbial milk and honey which is now in recession in order to support the education of siblings or children, or in putting up a respectable house to dwell or acquiring a new model of a car I guess what was foremost in the minds of these people who apply for a visa.

I arrived at the embassy at 6:50. Many people are now inside the pavilion. I already got my priority number after the initial processing of my papers at Counter C. It's a long wait to 8:30 my appointment time. Inside the pavilion are counters too for Air 21 Freight company. When lucky after the interview, the forwarder will process the shipment of the visa to the applicants address with the payment of one hundred and ninety five pesos.

There was this whole family, dragging their members led by the father holding the papers for the interview. A beautiful lady in a pleated blue skirt with a dirty while blouse seated forlonly across where i sat thinking perhaps of the outcome of her interview. Maybe she comes from up north in Luzon or far south in Mindanao. The faces around me show a mixture of feelings in anticipation of the interview. The agony of waiting for the uncertainties on the outcome of the process have worn them with stress. I feel the same way too. It is not so much of being rejected because that would be my advantage as an excuse of not being a part of the team who will do the collecting of donated books from the different universities in the U.S. for distribution in the Philippines. I will lose nothing if rejected except my ego. But if successful in the interview what looms ahead is a four month's struggle against loneliness of being away from the family, friends and loved ones an a life of challenging odds---- driving for many hours in interstate highways, lifting boxes of books and struggling to make the appointments with the universities kept. These will require a careful watch on our health and dangers that lurk in interstate highways fighting off sleep which would surely end our lives definitely with one mistake.

We are now lined up for the next step which is fingerprinting. We had our four fingers first fingerprinted on the left then followed by the right first four fingers, then both thumbs at the end. The process requires only less than a minute if done properly. I have seen it running at an endless number of times on the tv monitors while we were waiting at the pavilion. So it was done for us very easily when our turns came.

I was seated near the consul counters 10, 11, 12 which are still closed. Counters 2-9 were already entertaining applicants. I visited the the comfort room near my left many times perhaps due to anxiety but very attentive when the microphone calling for numbers sounded. My feelings are the same with those around me. Everybody is queasy. Someone ask me what number was called although there was a flash on the digital number displayed overhead and a counter where one could be entertained because the voice from the microphone is indistinct and garbled. And she had to be sure she could not missed her number for the interview.

The microphone blares now for the announcement calling the numbers 1020 to 1030 to follow the person who will guide us away to another room. We were seated according to our numerical positions. Waited for another announcement as to what counter should we be entertained. In that room a lot of people are also queuing at the different counters around. Near where we are seated hung a sign “Seafarers.” Perhaps the interview for this group is already done and we are accommodated so that the number of applicants from the room where we came from shall be reduced. It is already 8:45 when my turn came for the interview.

A Chinese looking consul asked about my business in coming to the country. I was expecting that he will be asking for some documents or something. But he did not. I told the guy that I will be part of the team who shall be visiting the different universities in the mainland and we are supported financially by the Foundation. In less than two minutes, I was done with the interview after I was directed to go to the Air21 counter in the pavilion for the shipment of the passport with my visa.

It was over. It was very easy or so it seems after its done. The process itself consists of agonizing moments and full of uncertainties. There was never a formula to make the outcome certain no matter how much preparations have been done by most Filipinos who seek for an American dream. And why would they seek for that. Its because we lack more opportunities here in the Philippines for a suitable income to support a good future of the children and the family. Perhaps, by trying their luck, they might be able to cut the chain of poverty that bind them all throughout their lives and get a glimpse of light. But for me, it is not so much of making a living than making a life. There, one must dragged themselves from one work to another without letting themselves idle by reducing their time of sleep so that they can get much and bring more to the Philippines. They are losing sight that one must make a life everyday but not necessarily make a living. Because all those dreams will die away if one is not enjoying his life everyday. We cannot buy happiness through the dollars we earned. But happiness is a pure state of mind which we can have through our own choice and volition even in a state of deprivation as long as there is love, respect and dignity.

One chance, one lifetime

2009-12-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

It was very hard now to convince myself that i am really shy. The night was very festive. At the entrance we were ushered with gifts after we have signed our registry in the list. All are smiling or they should not be there for one purpose--that is to paint the night red with the celebration of Christmas. It was one of the times that after eating dinner at the banquet I should be dissolved and lost into thin air because it doesn't mean anything to me. On the contrary, i stayed on. Earlier that day, my colleagues were practicing their part for the act. I did not practice for my part. It would seem very easy to me as long as i still would still get my nerve on. During practice, they're doing well. They were expecting that our presentation would be different and very wacky. Which would be very consistent with what was expected from all presentors. I did not expect to win anything from the presentation but they were so convinced that we could make it even to the first prize. It was just for the heck of presenting and making my friends laugh and enjoy the night to their hearts content, that is what i thought and what occupied my mind. After dinner, the raffle was done to determine what group should present first. There were twelve presentors and we are in the seventh to present. Most of the presentations were good. They were garbed in silky clothes for the three kings act while others were presenting with diaphanous and very fitting mini which when they were gyrating with the music the men's neck were craning so that they oogle to take a peck. Many come forward to the stage to view closely the sensous mounds of the dancers. I feel the dance is not fitting with the occasion where the audience were a mix of intellegentsia with their families around. Its nauseating. The dancer was overly reacting in making the audience feel for her. It was a show of stupidity which is fitted mainly for the pub. Some dancers too are real good and wacky. They did the 'wonder girls' nobody but you dance which become so common to all presentations. And also the music from the broadcast commercials about parol ni bro...it was borrowed for the presentation.

We are putting on our costumes. I was thinking early to use my swimming trunk but i was equivocating if i turn cold feet or get on my nerve for the act. I have taken in more than a couple of hard drinks already which made me go the bathroom more than necessary. This give some kicks and nerves. As i look at myself, i look real lousy with my loose shorts. Its not fitting for the dance.... but the black sleeveless will compensate for it. Got the glasses on which i use for my biking and a band in my forehead. whether i look awful or anything nevertheless i have to take this once in a lifetime shot at being myself and what i really like.... the dance....hehehehehehe...
A call for our presentation was made. The first group of dancers do their act now..... followed by a wacky dance inspired from the "village people" song and from Michael Jackson's dance..."beat it"
Then come my act....i dance real slow...sensual dance...gyrating....the beat...comes from "careless whisper." i dance to my heart desires...without smiling...they barely knew me from the start....then as they regained understanding that i was the one dancing....most of them rush near the stage and they're taking pictures of my dancing. its so good to feel that way...making them understand that once in a lifetime we should be different and forget convincing ourselves of being shy. That is what i did and i can never replicate that again. Not in my own lifetime. The moral is dont stop yourself from expressing what you would like to do because you will never have that chance again. As the winners are declared we got the first prize. i did not expect that it will happen but it did. Many says that the flow of our presentation was good...but what plug it to become number one is the finale for my number....i did what was expected from me...but i could have done it best if i used my swimming trunk or my biking short...it would add up...bring in more laughs and joy to the viewers. make them wacky with laughing...but anyway we were number one and we have contributed to make the christmas party to be the best party most people have experienced in their lifetime at the university.... and i made a difference....hehehehe...

Serendipity

2009-12-04T02:42:00.000-08:00

In May, when sea-winds pierced our solitudes,
I found the fresh Hiawatha in the woods,
Spreading its leafless blooms in a damp nook,
To please the desert and the sluggish brook.
The purple petals fallen in the pool,

Made the black water with their beauty gay;
Here might the red-bird come his plumes to cool,

And court the flower that cheapens his array.
Hiawatha! if the sages ask thee why
This charm is wasted on the earth and sky,

Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing,
Then Beauty is its own excuse for being:
Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose!
I never thought to ask, I never knew;
But, in my simple ignorance, I suppose

The self-same Power that brought me there brought
you. (Title is changed ---this is an adaptation from the poem Rhodora by Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Happiness is.....

2009-10-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

Happiness is when you are doing something good to yourself. Being a teacher one finds comfort and happiness even by the thoughts of sharing moments with the works that your students have done. It is so good to feel happy in the way they have achieve something for themselves. With the projects they have submitted to me it would seem that i know them personally already. I have pierced through the barriers. I have penetrated the sanctums of their secrets. They have bared to me subconsciously something about themselves and make me see through also about my person. And everytime I read their works, the way they have organized themselves and even by the creativity they have put into their projects, it seems i have already achieve something for myself and for them too. And i feel proud and happy about these events in my life. These feelings have eclipsed all the worries that i have for my life and the anxieties of missing the best times of my life with someone. And this feeling is not just ordinary because everytime i think of it good feelings would always overwhelmed my being... it is some kind of a philosophical breakthrough....an eschatological dimension which escapes me most of the time because of my eccentricity and aloofness about the world around me.....

A Time for Everything

2009-08-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

Faith and Trust

2009-07-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Faith and trust are foundations to begin in a relationship. Without these no relationship can commence or sustain. We must have that faith and belief first before any love can grow. And also be able to trust the person that what he promised shall be fulfilled. Any iota of distrust will destroy everything that have been started. Anything that will be said will become suspect and there is no point why a relationship should be continued. We must allow ourselves to trust and have faith that what have been promised shall in the end be fulfilled. While certain circumstances hinder the fulfillment of some promises and yet these two virtues shall always be sustained in the hearts of men because without these virtues nothing can happen in our life. Consider how you will be able to live if you do not trust the people around you. And do not have the faith that what you will require from each one of them can be delivered. Consider how you will be able to get your things done if you will not trust your partner to do his part. Consider how you will be able to get to your destination when you do not trust the driver of the vehicle you are riding. Consider how you will be able to continue to be a good Christian when you can not trust your personal God to deliver you from suffering, from pain, from anguish or from a hopeless dilemma of a broad field of battle in the bivouac of life. You will need a prayer, a talisman or a complete trust in God. You would look like His disciples when confronted with the storm upon crossing the Sea of Galilee who became men of little faith.(Matthew 8:23-27). And why do you worry when you trust and have faith in some one about the things that happen in your life. "Consider the lilies in the field, how they grow, they toil not, nor though they spin.....if God so clothe the grass in the field and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, o ye of little faith." and "Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? (Matthew 6:24-33)

the hardest thing of it all....

2009-07-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

It was said that diamonds are very rare and expensive because these are the hardest material of all. Recently, according to the researchers from China and U.S. the minerals lonsdaleite and wurtzite boron nitride are harder than diamond. Lonsdaleite which is formed under the extreme pressure and heat accompanying meteorite impacts is 58% harder and the wurtzite boron nitride which is a by product of intense volcanic eruptions is 18% harder after being subjected to pressure than diamonds (Discover, July/August 2009). While these two materials are harder than diamonds, these cannot surpassed the strength and tensility of the human will even being subjected to different pressures that enormously storm his total psyche. This was exhibited by the Biblical Job who remained steadfast to his faith even when he was stripped of his material and physical dignities. His submission to his personal God and his faith makes him worthy of the emulation and praises. His superhuman will with the graces of God enable him to maintain his dignity in the face of the cruelties he suffered. In the same way, even the hardest material cannot beat us if our will is strengthen by the light of our intellect and the decency of our actions, and thus we cannot be swayed by the material or emotional reward that bribe us to change our thoughts and the way we look at the truth. When we truly love the person it cannot be changed in an instant, not by the promise of convenience and predictability in the life that we can live but it can be sustained only by the strength of the will which is stronger than the hardest metals on earth.

removing your head from your ass....

2009-07-29T02:13:00.000-07:00

When someone liberates herself from the emotional trauma and declares that she doesn't want to go through again -- the pains, the suffering, the anguish and the worries which she had created for herself then she has removed her head from her ass. Every decision that we make we shall expect that there would be two outcomes, and for every two decisions there would be four outcomes and to have a million outcomes you only need to make twenty decisions. This is very scary and outrageous, it indicates how vulnerable always that we are. It also shows the distinctive way of making logical decisions to make a good outcome so that in the end certainties on our actions would seem predictable. This is always not the case. When we love someone, we are always willing to take the risks of being unhappy in the process. Loving is extending oneself from the perimeter of his own happiness, time and space. And to expect to be happy when you love someone is a logical thing to do but not so realistic. It is the pain of being human that allows us to love and yet be able to feel pain because this is what life is all about. Love is understanding someone, its paying attention to the whole nature of humanity. It is being selflessly devoting to someone without asking in return but only satisfies himself in the act of giving, in humility and gratefulness for the time that he was allowed to love and be loved.

Love and anguish...

2009-07-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Love and anguish are twins but not contradictory. They go together like one cannot exist without the other. When you love someone you have to give away part of yourself. You have to humble yourself in ways that you really do not understand why you are doing it. You have to give time, exert effort and be patient to submit yourself to something you are not used to doing. This will create struggle within yourself and then anguish and despair follow. This will require maturity on the person who loves to understand. To be more giving than receiving and to allow himself to go through pain. Pain is not something that is very dreadful but something that must be in a head on collision managed and controlled. It is something that must be understood in the context of loving. Pain is beautiful and temporary. It gives strength to the spirit who loves. And enriches our lives. The humbling experience of loving allows us to love more and be able to patiently wait for the time when someone you crave will love truly love you unconditionally. It is not something that must be avoided because we cannot be triumphant from all struggles unless we can overcome all this anguish of being human and hurdle all the pains so that we can be able to love and love and love for all eternity in the circle of life...

Compass

2009-07-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

Every day we do our different tasks and activities in clockwork precision routinely. This becomes repetitive, sometimes pointless with ultimate insignificance and absurdity when we wonder what all these things would lead to. Our fleeting existence if not for its religious significance would bear no meaning at all. We can ask ourselves are we making a life or making a living. If our life becomes meaningless because we suffer, we go through pain and experience deprivation both materially and spiritually it is imperative that we seek succor to our compass. This would lead us to our road map. This would lend us the spiritual significance of our journey through life. This would provide strength to our spirit and enriches our soul to move on despite the despair, and the hopelessness of our human existence. Love provides us the light, that endures through the darkness in our midst, liberates us from the bondage of not seeing the reality and erases our misconceptions on the phantasms that deceive us and provide us freedom to love and be loved by someone whom our soul seeks to unite and forever wish to find the real abode in the deepest sanctums of our heart. This compass when taken away will make the light dimmed and the power of hope to fade and death becomes an eventuality, not only death that separates the body but death of the soul that would like to escape from the bondage of hopelessness. And everything fades slowly into the backdrop in the sands of time without memory because its nothing and minutely insignificant.

....waiting for the other shoe to drop....

2009-07-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

Seconds after agonizing seconds the wait is long....and each moment the dread is more real in the heart than in the actual event that would take place in so many circumstances--- the uncertainties of life --may it be for the next meal to eat, an outcome of a court case, death from a terminal disease or a termination of love. The message from a text, an e-mail or from somebody although very hard to accept when it is there is a sort of a reprieve from the agony because it terminates the waiting. The wait is slowly eating up your soul, part of yourself is slowly dying but there is a need for confirmation and a shout from your heart. Then ask " do you still love the person the way you do before" and if not let the other shoe drop so that all the anxieties and pain of waiting cease to exist because all things will come to pass. As what Teresa of Avila says, "nada te turbe; todo es pasa." Let nothing disturb you. All things are passing.

Acceptance

2009-07-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

When things go wrong and relationships are done it would be very difficult to move on. We harbor self pity and we cling to the last straw hoping that we can still make the past as if it can still remain forever and continue to make us happy. Pain stabs our heart because we cannot effect a change no matter how hard we want to. We are all predestined to be what we can become. In the process we are allowed to make choices but fate and destiny overwhelmed us no matter how much we planned on how our life would become. We are just thankful that it did come to our life. And once upon a time we were happy, there was so much bliss and joy which for a long time have evaded our lives. We are thankful that we were allowed to go through that particular chapter in our life to give it meaning. Maybe with the the absence of one, the memories will continue to abide us, to guide us and to provide meaning to our life. Maybe through those memories we can still continue to make a life till our last breathe has expired. Maybe the soul that was dead can be revived and resuscitated again through the love that will never depart. Maybe we can look forward for a serenity in our heart to reign because we can be able to accept that there are things in our life that cannot be changed.

Illusions

2009-07-02T03:14:00.000-07:00

How can we distinguish reality, fact from illusions. Does reality really exists. We exist because we perceive that we are existing. We are someone because we perceive that we feel that we are really that someone with attributes like any someone else with a past, the present and a future. It is only a matter of perception that persist so that illusions can be distinguished from reality. But the idea of love is permanent. It is not broken unlike matter which changes over time. It cannot be contained within the parameters of time and space. This exist no matter how one does with it and forever. It is not illusory because it has a life of its own which controls the energy and the vitalism that glows and make one eternally flaming whether the object of love is around and responsive or not because love knows no limits. It would be there because it was there since the beginning of his own life, to reach out for someone and and seeks to bind their souls together even in the absence of the material bodies.

Tolerance

2009-07-01T03:28:00.000-07:00

Friendship and love is measured on how we are compassionate and understanding on the person's human weaknesses. We can tolerate, we can understand although we do not condone how our friends and love ones behave. In the process of communication , we do not easily feel slighted nor angered by what our loved one says. We try to understand the whys of things---and extend our limits of patience and understanding for as long as we love the person. But when love ceases we look for every excuse to spring back at any words that come from the mouth and retort in order to light and fan the fire of hatred. Feelings of helplessness in getting back the faith and restore the trust so that every inch of an ignominious exit is explored and escape from the fiery relationship which becomes the point of no return. But for as long as there is love, faith and trust continue because tolerance of one's weaknesses is the virtue that would always fan the beautiful relationships which make the angels sing a thousand hallelujahs....

Taking Risks

2009-06-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

To risk nothing is the greatest risk in life because we cannot achieve something. This week i become part of the committee which decides how materials and supplies costing less than a dime and buildings which shall be constructed more than a hundreds of millions of pesos be acquired and to choose who shall be merited with the award. This is the greatest risk of my career in which the responsibility is not relieved even when the members of the committee have already been detached from the service. The members were chosen according to probity, integrity, independence of the mind and the capability to analyze how government funds can best serve according to the interests of the public. Microscopic analysis of the documents submitted must be examined according to the lights provided under R.A. 9184. Under these conditions, we have helped make the operations of the university possible. Without this risk that we take all businesses in the campus would be at a standstill. In life, we always take risks. We take risks when we love. We take risks in doing something. Faith and trust are the virtues that would help one in going through the uncertainties in life and make one's dream a reality. But deceit, dishonesty and other forms of human weaknesses prevail which cancelled the trust and the faith in doing what has been laid in the beginning. This crumbles everything. This results to pain and suffering. When this faith and trust had been broken it is like a glass, because of its minute parts it is difficult to piece together again unless there is love. A great binder of everything which makes men or women capable of forgiving and accepting like a prodigal son who had been dead, lost and has come back to ask for forgiveness and makes life whole again.

What is the meaning of life?

2009-06-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

Everyday we routinely do all the tasks to make us live. We experience different kinds of feelings. Sometimes we are happy. Sometimes we are sad. We feel pain, frustrations, angst, worries. We are all vulnerable to these. And during these times we have wondered the whys of life. Are all these worth something that could make us continue to live. This is the time that we are thinking. Thinking that life may be absurd. That there is no meaning to our life. Dying now may not be different from dying later. It is only prolonging the agony of waiting. Waiting for uncertainties to be certain. For life has no meaning if there is no reason for living.